The Quarter-Life Crisis of Confidence


‘Confidence’ and ‘Bitch’ aren’t really all that different. Don’t believe me? Let me educate you, beautiful people.

Confidence comes into my incredibly hectic string of life crises through almost every single day. I find myself thinking, If only I was more confident… If only I had more balls… I wish sometimes I was a bitch.

Back in high school, I heard this frequently from two of the most confident ladies I’ve ever come to know, Shannon and Marina. Sorry, gals, I name dropped the shit out of you two.

I cannot explain to you how many times they’ve called themselves a bitch. Hell, they even called each other bitches. But it wasn’t really true in the negative sense of the word. The word spoke to their confidence. They spoke confidently, their opinions confidently, their actions were waterlogged with confidence. It was inspiring to my quiet, little, and still very closeted gay self back in high school that I try to emanate to this day. Their confidence could be attempted, but never duplicated. It was incredibly frustrating, but I assumed and accepted it wasn’t in my psychological DNA to be that confident. That’s just what it was, and I went into adulthood with that mentality. *sigh*. If I could slap myself in the face back in 2012, I would have.

I’ll quote Mama RuPaul for this, but if you want to make it in adulthood, “YOU BETTA WERK!”

Listen. It’s completely acceptable to be quiet spirited, shy, ball-less, and any other less-confident set of adjectives you could think of. Be your cute sensitive selves! Don’t try to be someone you’re not, but hear me out. I’m following my own testimony on confidence and being the embodiment of a ‘bitch’ to this day; you have to grow into your inner bitch and wear that shit like it’s your favorite pair of jeans, favorite romper, favorite pair of heels or pumps, favorite red lipstick, and curb stomp till your confidence screams without you even saying a word!

Not having a college degree, it doesn’t mean you’re hopeless with careers. But, it means it will be increasingly more difficult for you to move up in the world unless you are this glowing, confident bitch that you so desperately need to be. I started at the bottom of the customer service pit. I was selflessly serving the business people I strive so hard to be (okay, not entirely true. I more so want their wardrobe than their jobs). In times of dire need of confidence, and even more so fear-provoked confidence, I’ve skimmed through by the seat of my tight, butt-accentuating suit pants in interviews and job promotions. Where people tend to falter and crumble away is the doubt aspect of confidence. If you believe in something enough, so it shall be. Just make sure that something is realistic, like moving up in your current career or making career moves. Not like achieving Kardashian-status fame and fortune. I would highly advise you not to believe that because your bank account will laugh in your face and turn you to the closest McDonalds for a McPick 2.

I don’t like to talk too much about my careers on social media because it can come back to bite you in the ass. I don’t want that stigma hanging over my head as I work on building the infrastructure of my confidence. However, I will warn that if you’re going to act like that confident bitchriarch that you are, expect the threat of your presence to expunge the fear of your threat to reflect in the eyes of weak leaders.

What I am not saying, is to overstep your boundaries to upper management, or same-level management. Don’t even overstep boundaries with lower-level employees, either. 

Best believe it, though, that if you go into your career with this confidence, your threat will become apparent and these negative people will COME TO SNATCH YOUR CROWN. Do not let them even close to it. Make yourself untouchable through your work, no matter how unfair loop after unfair loop they throw at you. In my career and experience in executive level management, I’ve dealt with my share of truly terrible people. They’ll build their barriers and storm clouds with words that are absolutely untrue to your work ethic. You’ll want to retaliate. You can’t retaliate with force, you have to retaliate with your strong work ethical force. Your record and work quality will speak mountains against any type of bullshit they try to throw at you.

Let me step out of the career aspect of the confident bitch basics, and into another incredibly important slice of life-pie that you need confidence for: Dating. 

There is nothing more attractive than a confident human being in their full-blown glory, even if your life is in pieces. It can be the biggest turn-off to someone if they feel like they need to fix you. It’s not wrong to show your broken side to someone, but best believe you let them know you are one I N D E P E N D E N T woman/man who don’t need no woman/man for confidence. Trust and believe this will accelerate your relationship into one beautiful power-couple who are both self-supportive and jointly supportive with each other.

On the other hand of dating, however, don’t let anyone steal the same crown those terrible leaders attempted to threaten. No man or woman or other self-identifying human being is worth enough to cripple this indestructible pyramid of confidence you spent any time of your energy, effort, and life building. Know your self-worth and throw up the strongest ‘fuck-you’ fingers if anyone tries to take that from you. You will thank me later, and most importantly, you will thank yourself.

Date confidently; work confidently; break out of your shy cocoon in the areas that matter in your life; and make sure you give others a run for their money.

There’s definitely one thing that is necessary to this whole confident-bitch mentality that is the most important, and it comes in a quote.

Being ITotal Control of Herself” (or Himself).

You can be this radiant, confident B.I.T.C.H. that you have developed for x-amount of time, but knowing when to control that is the next tool to successful bitchiness. This is something I’m still trying to hone, but nothing truly iconic happens overnight, so.

Special thanks to drag queen Latrice Royale for the quote, and my exceptional gay “mother”, Kyle, for guiding me to this quote in my most desperate time of need.

I’ll leave you guys with my summer ‘curb stomper’ song that I am strutting around the city in my butt-accentuating suit pants with.

Song: Comeback by Ella Eyre.


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