The Quarter-Life Crisis of Deep Days


It’s a rainy Wednesday, and I will admit I have that chemical imbalance where weather mildly affects my mood. But it’s a lot more than just the weather…

When I say mildly, I genuinely mean mildly. Also, I don’t mean that if it’s sunny in the morning I’m happy, and if it starts to rain an hour later I’m sad. It’s not that sensitive. More so, I’m struggling today in particular in regards to a lot of things.

So, I dubbed today as one of my “Deep Days”, or, in other words, my sad/pensive/self-reflective/quiet days. Not all of those at the same time, more of a pick one and you’ll probably be right in describing my day.

I woke with an anxiousness and an extreme tiredness. Many parts of me have been tired, both physical and non-physical, but a lot are hopeful. Those little scintillating pieces of light are what keep me going. Think of it like an antique mirror, where the reflective parts underneath the glass are chipping away over time. I’m feeling that a lot, lately.

It kind of brings me back to my first post about being the truest INFP; As a “Mediator” we form to our surroundings, instead of projecting our own surrounding for others.

Personally, I kind of like forming to the projection of others. And it’s one of my best qualities, I think, where as others might see it as something that is negative. I don’t really get that, I see it as a personality and friendship building skill. Granted, as a Mediator, my friend circle is small, it’s the acquaintances that I excel in becoming accustomed with.

Example: one of my best friends, she gives me peace, joy, togetherness, happiness, and laughter. She gives me Hygge when most of my life is dangerously out of Hygge. So when I’m near her, I form to her weather she projects from herself and it makes me stronger. This is only one of the many reasons why I genuinely love her as a person. Even if she doesn’t know it, she lets me know that I’m absolutely never alone.

This doesn’t mean that I’m wildly never myself around anyone ever. I’m most definitely 100% myself at all times around anyone. It’s most effective to be that way, instead of projecting yourself falsely to others because a show can only last so long before the game is up and you’re left with someone who doesn’t know you, and more dangerously, you come to realize you don’t even know yourself. 

In most dire times of crisis, what do you have once everything is taken away?

Who you gonna call when everything is falling to pieces, you’re alone, and you absolutely have to adult. Definitely not Ghostbusters. What about family? What if you don’t want to go to family? Friends? What if you don’t want to continue burdening them with your issues? What storm are you going to form to, if you only have your own?

There are many ways to alleviate this seclusion crisis that come with Deep Days. Mostly, it ends with me going through a mental list of things I appreciate about myself or that I have accomplished. I’ve lost so much, and furthermore experienced so much more than I’ve lost. I am thankful for both, because it will strengthen me as a person when I’m left in the calm after the storm. For the time being, I need to take the waves as they crash which can wear a person down to the wire. Sometimes, at some point, you will snap. I’ve snapped already, more than once. And I feel another one coming on, but the good thing is that I’ve learned how to control the process of snapping, come to realize the warning signs of the snap, and know how to effectively mute the force exerted from the initial snap. So, here I am, writing this post to alleviate the pressure so my wire doesn’t snap.

Best thing to do if you’re having a Deep Day is to evaluate how you can self-soothe your sores.

It’s almost like crisis planning, where you know what to do in the event of a fire or power outage. It’s the same thing, only that you do it for your own mental sanity. When you’re tired of forming to other people’s storm, or tired of projecting your own storm, you whip out your Deep Day Crisis Plan and follow the steps, as you would any emergency guide. Eat a cookie/brownie or twelve. Eat a scoop, or two, of ice cream. Why stop at two? Go for the whole tub! Write your heart out, sing your heart out to some pensive music or bubbly-pop-summer-hit that you just can’t help but to smirk to. Act stupid in your car as you sing, too, because every song needs choreography and you don’t have time to snatch back-up dancers for your self-soothe extravaganza.

Another important piece is reminding yourself that this is just a day and it will end. Even if it’s a string of Deep Days, or a Deep Week, or even a Deep Month; when the time comes, it will absolutely subside.

Everyone’s plan is different, but they are all so incredibly important. If you end up being a part of someone’s plan. it might be beneficial to both parties to never deny this role. Come to understand it, and listen listen listen. This could save someone’s wire from snapping and causing emotional damage for both parties involved. But be cautious of your own capacity to handle crisis. Not everyone, myself included, is equipped to take on someone else’s crisis. Even if you’re related, almost like you’re related, not related at all but close, or simple acquaintances.

This is only step one of my Deep Day Crisis Plan…

But, like my coworker told me:

Turn that frown upside down! Could be worse… you could be ugly!

It isn’t the most reassuring, but the laugh helped..

Till the next crisis, guys and gals.

Song: Full Circle by HÆLOS.

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